Category: writings

Love, Relationships and Moving on …

In love, you seem to be the happiest person on the planet. All those worldly things don’t matter while you are in love. All you need is the togetherness with your partner, their love, care and attention. You wouldn’t want to live a moment without them. Nothing else matters to you. You find yourself dreaming a future together. You wouldn’t need anyone besides them and just imagine a happily ever after scenario. The memories of these wonderful moments that you spend with each other, you want to treasure for a lifetime.

And yes, that actually happens! No matter you’re together or broke up, you can’t forget that feeling you got with them. That very moment when your heart skipped the beat seeing your partner, the crazy things you did to make them smile, those dares you made to see eachother, the nights you never slept to share your secrets, the promises to never be apart, crying together, those silly fights and  many more. You can just ignore them, but can’t forget. These memories help to enhance the love when you’re together, but it haunts you back like hell when you’re over with the relationship!

Falling in love is easy, but to maintain the love for eachother is a great deal. When things don’t turn fine, people break up. The same couples who shared everything, who promised a life together, suddenly are no longer together. They start to hate eachother, cry, hurt themselves, bitch around, some move on and some even end their life. Is this it? Was that all their life was for? It’s a hard thing to consider ourselves dumped and cheated on by our so considered better-half. A wounded heart can’t be healed easily, but that’s not the end! And suicide – a big NO.

Even I was hurt. Not once, not twice, but several times. My heart was shattered to pieces by the person whom I trusted more than myself. I got deceived. The dream of spending life together was no longer there. I was hopeless. It seemed it was the end of everything. And at that very moment, it really was! The broken heart, the alone me, the world who didn’t seem to care, the regrets, the memories… what more would anyone need to break down. And if I had not gathered myself together, I’d not be here writing articles. I’d rather be somewhere down the ground with insects all over.

But I realized, whatever happens, happens for good. If you’re in this phase, you too may not support this statement, I didn’t like it either. But you know what? It’s perfectly fine. You may be not in a state of forgetting everything that happened, but you don’t even need to! You don’t need to start hating the person, or hurt yourself for anything.The right thing to do for you is to realize is that it’s not the end of the world, it’s not what you’ve got to mourn for the rest of your life. You’ve got a beautiful life ahead. You are a beautiful soul and you can make changes, trust me. The best pictures are developed in darkness. So, don’t get hold back yourself, you’re gonna  get the best picture of yourself after this darkness. Stay around positive people. Don’t think much about what happened and ignore the backstabbers.This is your fight. Don’t let others enjoy your defeat. Stand up! Fight! Fight for yourself!

 You know what’s there for you at the end of this dark tunnel? You’ve the bright end – that signifies light – your light. The better and stronger you. It’s the same “you” that you thought would never make it, but the only difference is that this “you” had the courage to walk past through this dark tunnel of your life. You have that “you” in you, but that’s buried deep down under your emotions. It’s the same emotions that you were best in, but now when that someone damn cared, the same emotions are letting you down. You fear of loving back again. You fear to trust back again. You aren’t the “you” that you used to be.

Just take a deep breath and remember -When things are not meant to be, it will never be. So don’t mourn for what you lost, that wasn’t yours! No matter what goes on, always be there for yourself.  And now is the right time. That “you” in you is alone. You have to support it, pamper it, love and care it. Once you stand up for yourself, nothing’s gonna stop you from the light to be yours. Life is full of surprises, stay moved on, you never know when a beautiful surprise knocks your way!

I wanna be there for you!

I wanna be there for you..

I wanna sink deep down in love with you..

Be the voice of your songs..

Cuddle with you in your deepest sleep in the darkest of nights..

Stay close and feel those unsaid words in your beats..

Those eyes, when tangles with solicity,

I wanna dive deep in and embrace you,

to assure you, I am there..

When hearts speak out the feel,

promises in words don’t mean a thing!

Men, Thornbush and Feminism

Men, Thornbush and Feminism...

Plant not so easily your thoughts

on the females who come in your lives.

Beware! they might be nurturing nettles,

those that can prick you at every joints;

and bend your independency at wrong angles.

You might be a true valentine – a true lover!

Yet, Be alert.

Although lustered in green meadow;

shaping your seeds of trust and belief,

and unknown but heard of eyes sunkened,

your pockets bare and emptied; too in thoughts

you become one another citizen,

lost in wilderness and closed in solitude.

The nettles prick you at regular intervals

though you try much to tend her with care;

your every magic of words, touch, compassion

fail you all in a while to a world of desolation.

All you hear in and around is the disheartening throbs,

neither will you escape nor make it escape,

the circle of thornbush – the circle of feminism.

All in all finally left at self mercy.

You are accounted to be – a know nothing.

Thinking About You …

As I lie awake all these hours in my bed,

It’s just you that has been running through my head.

I just can’t stop thinking about you,

And if only I was near you,

I’d have done something out of the blue .

 

Your thoughts always makes me smile.

You’re on my mind every once in a while.

I wish you knew how much I really care,

No matter what I’ll always be there.

 

Tell me how to prove that these are all true,

Including the one, that I’ve fallen deeply for you.

Never ending efforts I’ll put for you,

For me what matters is just you.

 

To make you smile each and every day,

To make you feel special each and every way,

It’s only words and words are all I have,

To take your heart away …

CRUSH

His writings, she loved, every word of them. His beautiful art of playing with the words lured her. The more she explored his world, the more she craved for it. How wonderfully her crush could strike the chord in her heart with so few words. For a celeb, she was just another fan on the list, unaware, how his presence had made an unexplainably beautiful impact to her small world.

She’d skip beats on his every article, each word he wrote captivated her in some way. Her heart raced when his name popped up on her screen. She wanted the more of it. Those bunch of butterflies flying around her stomach, getting out of words, those blushes and giggles, that urge for his genuine attention… she didn’t want all these to subside. Anxious, excited, nervous, and the innocent her, all mingled up making her yearn for more. She tried for the more of him, the more of the two, the more of… if it could ever be!

The Park Bench

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read,

beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.

Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,

for the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day,

A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.

He stood right before me with his head tilted down,

and said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,

with its petals all worn, not enough rain, or to little light.

Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,

I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side,

and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,

“It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too.

That’s why I picked it; here it’s for you.”

The weed before me was dying or dead.

Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red.

But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.

So I reached for the flower, and replied, “Just what I need.”

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,

he held it mid-air without reason or plan.

It was then that I noticed for the very first time,

that weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun,

as I thanked him for picking the very best one.

You’re welcome, he smiled, and then ran off to play,

unaware of the impact he’d had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see,

a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.

How did he know of my self-indulged plight?

Perhaps from his heart, he’d been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see,

the problem was not with the world; the problem was me.

And for all of those times I myself had been blind,

I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that’s mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose,

and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose.

And smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand,

about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

 

By a friend.
A poem which changed my life henceforth...

I Vow To You

I vow to you , for you,

your life ever golden,

in a dell of dew.

Let every sad past die,

and glorious altars rise high!

Shimmering along – the lonely moon,

as the world do predict you;

“The enlightened of the world be”

So – rapturing the ideal philosopher

dead to his quack philosophy,

 I vow to you – for you,

to make you a land of joy

amidst the stouthearted;

of happiness arose;

and for the glorious days.

10 things my mother taught me when I turned 13!

10 things my mother taught me when I turned 13

1. Sometimes it’s going to hurt. You’re going to sit on the floor screaming at the ceiling and pulling your hair and trying to tear your skin off your bones. You’re going to fall asleep with tears burning holes in your cheeks and praying that you won’t wake up. But you will. You will always wake up. Be glad. It’s going to stop hurting.

2. Do things you love. Kiss the boy from down the street because he told your best friend that he thinks you have pretty eyes. Sleep on the floor because your bed doesn’t fit right. Cry because you miss him. Smile because you’re gonna be okay but he’s always gonna be a mess. Laugh until your stomach hurts and you can’t breathe. Fall apart and put yourself back together again.

3. When the boy you love gets drunk and kisses another girl and his words hit you right in the heart and knock the wind out of your chest, try to remember that the world isn’t caving in on you even though it feels like it is.

4. Nothing really matters as much as you think it does.

5. The sky is blue because it’s sad, but the clouds are white because there are still little wisps of hope flying around in the air and sometimes they fill the whole damn sky and that’s how you know it’s all going to be alright.

6. When you were born, I put a barbed wire fence around your heart for protection. Any boy who gets in there is gonna have scraped up knees and blood pouring from his hands. If he sticks around, help him clean up the cuts.

7. When you’re convinced that there’s nothing left inside you, remember that you’ve got the entire galaxy under your tongue and the world in your bones. There are flowers growing from your cheeks, sometimes you just need to water them a little, crying helps.

8. When someone says they love you, believe it, chances are they mean it.

9. Don’t waste your time crying over people who hurt you. You’re giving in. You’re letting them win. And baby if they don’t have you then they’ve already lost, so don’t let them have the satisfaction of breaking you.

10. Try not to grow up too fast.

 

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Story of a Bank Teller

“Bank tellers have it easy; they get paid to count money all day.”

This ain’t right. Yes, bank tellers are surrounded by money all day, but it’s not so carefree as it seems. Just handling money isn’t a bank teller’s job, but handling money accurately while providing outstanding customer service is. Each customer entering a bank interacts with a teller, thus making the customer service skill paramount for keeping the customers content.

In fact, this is one of the riskiest jobs while it comes to monetary transactions. Recently, as a trainee in a bank, I’ve been assisting Mr.Ghimire in the cash department. He is no doubt an expert in this field, and the way he carries himself throughout is simply breath taking. The speed he maintains, absolute accuracy of the monetary transactions and a friendly nature with everyone around tops it all. Not only in professional level, but even personally I immensely got motivated to write something about it.

The first thing I saw was – “Multitasking”. A teller should be pro at it. Cashing checks, depositing money, collecting loan payments and being able to satisfy customers as soon as possible without having them to wait long, all at once and with perfect upshot! Sounds like a teller’s job is a tough nut to crack, right? But no, it’s not. Neither it’s a rocket science, nor includes any formulas for the operation but small things in rapid way because speed matters here. Every customer is in a hurry to get their things done asap, so the more faster and accurate, the more better.

As a customer in a queue, I never thought of what the person behind the bars went through. A long queue of restless people, lots of cash, and that subconscious feel of getting everything in risk including con artists and even robberies, as the security of all transactions is in charge of the teller. In this process of assisting, I got to know the value of a zero and a typo. A miss in the entry and you could end up putting up your entire paycheck for the loss or even more.

Though it’s a job of processing routine transactions, the good part I saw is that the teller could interact with a wide variety of people and work in a professional environment. Well, bank provides various facilities to the employees and on the other hand, it helps to deal with every type of people and in personal enrichment. The way they do those stuffs with people’s assets, is truely fascinating. Even I used to remain spell bound with whatever my senior performed. Neither did he complain anything about the job, nor the remuneration or the risks. All he had was respect to the job he was in.

I realized how important a job is. Not just as a teller, or your job or mine or anyone in particular, but any job. It gives you an identity, people know you by it. And how carelessness in any job can make you as well as others suffer. I learnt how important it is to perform your job with all your enthusiasm and not to underestimate it no matter how much you get paid for it. It’s your job which gives you an identity, like how a simple job of cooking can make u a chef if done brilliantly with innovation.

An unfortunate daughter

Dear Mom,

I came across the scar of the cut on my wrist and it left me wondering about all those moments I had with you and without you. I can never explain what it felt like growing up without you. Whenever I needed you, I was all alone. You were never there, Mom. Neither to fix my hair, nor to comfort me on my first period or pack my tiffins to school. You never showed up for my birthdays or attended my school functions or went shopping with me. You weren’t there to read me bedtime stories and make me sleep peacefully in your lap. I always had an emptiness where you should have been.

You never saw my tears, all those lonely nights I cried. You never knew my dreams, my thoughts, my favorites, or anything about me. Not days, not weeks but years have passed by without you here anymore. When I see other girls laughing with their moms, I envy them. I long for all those mother-daughter things. And you know what Mom, the moment you left, I lost my dad too. No one knows how hard it is for your own father not to love you when you’ve lost a mother.

Since childhood I have kept all the things to myself, ain’t got anybody to share. Every problem, and I faced it on my own. Mom, do you know that I topped my 10th grade? Do you know that I have an entire showcase filled with awards? Do you have any slightest idea why I committed a suicide and have been in depression since so long? I’ve got cut scars all over. Do you know I skip meals and don’t even get enough sleep? I have post traumatic stress disorder because of the things I have lived through. See, I have so much to share.

It could have perhaps been way better if you were here. These years without you have been really difficult to live. I cried, I tried suicide, I screamed.. did you hear? No! coz you were never around. I try to look forward to the future but I am still trapped in those painful memories of the past that haunts me every now and then. Yes, you could have stayed instead of making things more worse and it hurts to see that I wasn’t enough of a reason to hold you back.

You have hurt your little girl. But hey Mom, I have been smiling hiding these tears behind in front of everyone, trying to be brave. I keep lying to myself and others that I’ve gotten over you and your absence don’t really matter, but it does. And how much? only I know that. They say time heals everything but for this, it doesn’t. It still hurts. After all these 15 years, I still break down, I still cry for you, but no one seems to care.

My feelings for you are so dumb, sad, angry, upset, trapped and what not. You can never make up for this pain that has been within me for this long. My life has been hugely affected by these, but you’re still unknown. You were supposed to be with me, encouraging me and protecting me, but you left me out Mom. But still if I could get one thing I wished, it would be you. Though you could never make me feel what having a mother is like, on this Mother’s day, I heartily wish you be the happiest wherever you are and hope you remember me and our blur memories together.

Happy Mother’s Day!

– An unfortunate daughter.